Meant to Be
by FireFairy219
Summary: Tai was not the one Sora chose, that's that, end of story. However, that doesn't necessarily mean he has to like it. Oneshot, Tai's thoughts.


**Disclaimer**: No copyright infringement intended; I do not own Digimon.

**A/N**: Dedicated to my special person ;)

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**MEANT TO BE**

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We were lying on the softest grass in the world – or so it felt, just relaxing against some tree that happened to be standing there, providing us with cooling shadow and shielding us from the bright light the sun was emitting. I had my back against its large trunk, but, strangely enough, the ribbed structure of bark did nothing to discomfort me, so I leant against it snoozily as if it were a cozy pillow. My eyes were closed and I let the feeling of complete rest and contentment pervade my entire being, even going as far as to sniff the air instead of just breathing in the required amount of oxygen. It was an urge that told me I _needed_ to inhale the atmosphere, so that it would be forever etched in my mind.

However, all of those elements held no real importance. Not when this image also contained the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes upon. She was lying there with me, her head resting in my lap, messing it up big time and not caring about it at all. A spontaneous lazy grin snuck up on my face as I watched her sleep at ease, her tiny hands grasping onto the soft fabric of my trousers while my own larger ones were naturally draped around her shoulder.

Perfect.

It was the life I'd always dreamt of having, a life where I was to be happy with her for eternity. Like it was meant to be. But unfortunately though, fate does not always please us mere humans in abiding by our wishes; a fact I knew of firsthand.

A frown was formed as my eyebrows knitted themselves together at this loose thought. It was wrong to think like that; it ruined the mood. The perfect mood.

And that's when I woke up, sighing to myself that I'd let myself dream that dream again. The dream I'd had so many times, I had chosen a nickname for it: the Meant-To-Be Dream.

It was the fakest of all things fake one could imagine. There was no such thing as a pillow-ish tree, nor was there a beautiful girl lying by my side when I woke up. And yet… it felt so real that I sometimes had difficulties orientating myself after the light of the sun had been replaced by the darkness of my room.

Years have passed now since the first time I had that dream, that first thought, and I think I still feel the same, like you and me were written in the stars together. But alas, reality decided otherwise.

I still _think_ I feel like that, because honestly, after all that time, I don't believe my feelings are all that readable anymore. They've become blurred, scarred after being unanswered for the longest of time. But that's probably for the best anyway. You're happy; and I have a career that has brought up that much already that I can manage for a lifetime.

You're happy.

Married to a blond rockstar-gone-astronaut, raising two beautiful little you's. Mixed a little bit with him of course, but mostly, they resemble you. Your soft ruby eyes and motherly smile. Your wild auburn hair that was never quite to your satisfaction. Your laugh of a thousand angels singing. The soccer loving girl who got me beat in my own game. You.

Sometimes I find myself still crying over us. Or over the lack of the word "us". It's an important word; after all, it was meant to be. But most of the time I wear my smiling face, since it has this smile-inducing effect on other people as well. And on you. And I like being the cause of your smile; it makes me feel special to you, which is all I can dream of doing.

For you see, I had been meaning to tell you for quite some time since that cursed thought about these obvious, not so obvious, symptoms of what I'd soon found out was love. But strangely enough, I couldn't find the courage to do so. Me, not finding my courage.

You'd probably laugh at that if I ever told you, and you'd probably say something along the lines of _'Don't be so crazy Tai. If you can't find courage, who _can_?'_

But this wasn't something I would tell you good-heartedly in a light conversation like the ones we always held after a tiring soccer match, so I didn't have to worry about replying to that.

I had been too late for the cookies, and you never did make me those special ones you promised.

Should've seen it coming though, with the way you had started to act differently towards me. More distant, as if you were tiptoeing yourself out of harm's way. Out of my way. And I probably deserved it as well; my ignorance for all those years was doomed to explode in my face at one time or another. I guess I just didn't expect it to be such an atomic bomb.

Because secretly, I had hoped that you would've just cast that cookie box aside and would've come up to me, pronouncing breathlessly how long you had been waiting for me to finally utter those words. And that maybe I would've kissed you there on the spot passionately with those still warm biscuits lying forgotten on the tarmac. And that just maybe, we would've turned out to be the most awesome item one had ever seen.

I didn't care about the cookies, I wanted you.

But Destiny didn't hear my call, so her answering machine put her more malicious twin sister, Fate, through, who had decided upon denying my nearly desperate request. Thus resulting in the mess I have found myself in for the last 6 years.

And now we're in this awkward position whenever we meet. You and my other best friend, married with children, happy. And then there's good old me.

Could you believe that I actually used to consider myself the only one who could truly bring out that special smile of yours? I know, I consider it to be one of the most selfish thoughts I ever had too, and I soon learned that was very naïve of me, but I couldn't help myself. The cursed thought had led to doubting myself; was I really able to give you all the love you needed and definitely deserved? Was I good enough to be the one you'd spend the rest of your life with, until we were both old and wrinkly? – because I soon learnt this "crush" was more than just that, a simple crush.

I definitely don't think so anymore, because you've found someone else to do that for me even before I could test out that theory in practice. Someone who might even do a better job at keeping you happy, and already has. Someone I have tried to resent – believe me, I really tried – but found myself incapable of doing.

I suppose the famous idiom "you always leave the ones you love" is in order here. I left you, you left me, we left each other, and now I'm the one left alone. All for that stupid emotion called love. It is rather silly, don't you think?

I don't hope for Destiny – or Fate – to be merciful now, though. I've had my chance, I blew it, and that's that. And I've grown to live with this fact, because hey, that's life for you.

If it gives you lemons, just try to make lemonade, Granny always said. And even though there's no sugar nor water to actually make good lemonade, you'll learn to appreciate the taste after a while, sour as it may be. And who knows, perhaps one day life will see my efforts and give me those needed ingredients as well. But that's not something to count on blindly.

You're happy. I'm… not unhappy.

And I know you'll be waiting for me in the dream, the Meant-To-Be Dream, so I manage. But sometimes, just sometimes, I really wished that we could go back in time to rectify my mistake, and make that dream a reality.

Then it would be just you and me. Meant to be, forever.

But it was only in my weakest moments, the moments where I so foolishly allowed myself to dream freely, that this fantasy manifested itself.

I know. I've known for years, and I'm not going to do a damn thing about it. You know why? Because in the end, all we can do is lament the chances we didn't take, wonder about the inexistent relationships we were afraid to have, and regret the decisions we waited too long to make, that's why. No need to live in the what-ifs, because it is general knowledge that they'll never be more than that.

Still… I let myself close my moist chocolate eyes. I allow myself to disappear from the dark room and I inevitably end up in the sunny wonderful world of dreams.

And you know what? I'm happy.

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**A/N 2**: Well, there it is :) I sincerely hope I have depicted him well enough, because he's one of my favourite characters and I would feel bad if I couldn't grasp what was going on in his mind. Btw, I've discovered that it is easier to write when written from the I-POV. Whii for me! But I guess this is normal when you can relay to it very closely, so yeah.

Also, the famous Christmas Incident happened when they were 18 or so, in case you're wondering how he made that much money already in 6 years.

Please review!

**A/N 3** (irrelevant to readers):

My dear special person,

first of all, sorry about the category :p Guess I couldn't come up with a good enough storyline to actually write that much about for another series after all. Second of all, surprise! Yeah, I'm talking about the theme here... I just don't think I did that good a job with it from your POV, since I think I slipped more of myself in it than I did of you. Still, my intentions were as such, that has to count for something, right? :D There are a lot of references there that you probably won't get, but would you review anyway? As in, click the button, make up some silly name without signing up, and give a detailed explanation on what you think was good/bad/hints you did get.

Till next time!  
Your special person, that will always be there for you.

x


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